Grant me the humility to accept the text that must be changed, the courage to keep the text that can't be changed, and the wisdom to understand the difference.-Writer's Serenity Prayer
I met my first critique partner, Hope Engel, on BlueSky, when I noticed she had "Looking for critique partners” in her profile. I sent her a message and she was immediately responsive and enthusiastic. After a video chat about our projects, she asked me to send her my pages. Which caught me completely off guard. At that point, no one had seen a single word of my manuscript — or even my creative writing.
I don't know what I thought would happen when I reached out to someone looking for a critique partner, but somehow I didn't think it would involve sharing my unfinished, extremely rough manuscript with them.
And so I did what any serious writer with an aim toward traditional publication would do: I backtracked.
“Oh, it’s not quite ready to share—”
“Oh, let me just do a couple more revisions—”
“There’s still a bunch of world-building I’m working out—"
“It’s just not good enough, actually—”
Fortunately, Hope prevailed, and we swapped pages. And y'all...the absolute high of giving and getting great feedback.
By "great" I do not mean "adoring." Anyone who does nothing but praise your writing is either unserious, unskilled, or trying to sabotage you.
Great feedback does indeed point out strengths, may even gush at moments — but it also engages seriously with the project of strengthening your writing. It asks questions, points out issues, and makes suggestions. And it leaves you feeling absolutely energized about your project's potential.
Now, I’m lucky to have found a critique partner who is both enthusiastic about my writing and who has a sharp eye for how it can be better. She’s also really good at phrasing her feedback kindly. (And lucky you, you can hire her for these services!)
After working with Hope, I was sold on seeking feedback early and often. Because all feedback is helpful if you approach it with the right mindset.
There are really only three types of feedback:
The Things That Must Be Changed
1. Feedback you agree with about issues you (at least kind of) knew about
Maybe you were hoping you could hand-wave that plot hole away, but your reader caught it. You didn't sneak it by, and now you gotta fix it.
This type of feedback can be the most satisfying. You knew something wasn’t quite right. You hoped nobody would notice, but the fact that they did confirms your instincts. This is how you become a better self-editor in the long run. (And, to plug professional services, an editor can help you identify potential fixes, if that’s where you’re stuck).
2. Feedback you agree with about issues you didn’t notice
Someone once told me about a book they read where the characters, in an intimate scene, took their clothing off twice. Which, sure, you might be a bit embarrassed that your editor caught that, but imagine if it were your readers.
This type of feedback can be a little humbling. A little embarrassing, even. Once they're pointed out, they seem so obvious that you can't believe you missed the, but you did.
It's because of these issues that you really must get outside eyes on your work at some point. There are just some things you cannot catch yourself. You're too close to the text; your eye has skipped the issue in a thousand read-throughs.
This type of feedback also helps you see your writing from a new perspective. It's the feedback writers are usually most thankful for, because they know it will improve their writing and that they never could have figured it out on their own.
Things That Can't Be Changed
3. Feedback you disagree with.
“What do you mean my main character is off-putting because she’s too angry? That's the entire point! I spent the whole first third of the book showing why she's so angry!”
This is the feedback that can rock you. It can make you angry, defensive. It can make you question if your reader is an idiot, or if you are. It can make you question yourself. If you're not in the right mindset, feedback you disagree with can really undermine your confidence.
But you do not have to accept all feedback. In fact, you shouldn't. People have different ideas about stylistic choices, pace, plot, even grammar. Just because someone says you could do something differently doesn't mean you must.
Take this feedback seriously. Consider it. Try to see their perspective. See if there’s some aspect of it you do want to address. But if or when you reject it, commit to that choice. Have the courage of your convictions and your artistic vision. Because later, when someone else doesn’t like that choice, when someone mentions in a review that your main character is too angry, it won’t hurt you. You made that choice knowing some people would see it differently. And that’s okay, because you’re not writing for everyone.
The Wisdom to Understand the Difference
Even if you believe every word I've said here, it doesn't mean you'll never have negative feelings about feedback. You might feel overwhelmed or even angry about feedback. You might be grateful, inspired, and also deflated when receiving detailed feedback. You might feel all kinds of ways. This is one reason that I ask that clients who receive substantive edits schedule a follow-up meeting no sooner than five days after receiving feedback. Even if you’re elated by what I've sent you, it’s good to have some time to marinate on it.
If you’re feeling at all stuck in your writing but feel you’re not ready to share it, that’s a good sign that you should do it anyway. What are you afraid of? Finding out it's not perfect? You already know that (and if you don't, please don't inflict yourself on other writers or publishing professionals).
Find someone with as rough as draft as you have and bully persistently bother encourage them to share. Set expectations about what stage of drafting you're in, and be clear about what you do and don’t want feedback on. But once you find a partner you click with, it will energize your writing like nothing else.
And if you're struggling to find a reliable critique partner, book coaching might be the editorial service you're looking for.